Accepting the unacceptable

If you ever felt like you have to accept things while your body screamed NO, 

if you ever played small to be loved, 

if anyone ever told you you are too much, hear me —

I used to move heavy rocks alone.

Not metaphorically.

I wanted to build something beautiful  — a healing center in the mountains. 

The strong man who wanted to build it with me spent his days chatting with women and offering them his support and attention.

Yet I didn’t leave.

Somewhere along the way I had learned that my needs, desires and plans for

our future were the problem.

That me trying to build what we’ve agreed on made me demanding, limiting and jealous. 

I did all I could to prove I wasn’t.

I called my longing "neediness."

I called my boundaries "demands."

I called my dreams "too much."

I became very skilled at abandoning myself before he had the chance to.

I stayed up until 3am waiting to be held. Hoping that this time,

he would choose me.

That was the real wound, beloved.

Not what he did.

What I kept giving him permission to do.

Because I hadn't yet learned that self-respect is a constant practice.

And without it, you fight till you bleed…and you lose every time.

It took me years. It took unimaginable darkness, and wild medicine that strips

every story down until only the true thing remains.

It took meeting a man who held steady even when my old wounds pointed at him

and shouted: enemy.

He didn't flinch. He waited for me to come back to myself.

And now? No one gets past this layer.

Some think I'm hard. It’s not that.

But I finally know the difference between a woman who is loved

and a woman who is settling for the crumbs and calls it nourishment.

In love, in friendships, in everything I do.

So, again, if anyone ever made you believe you are too much —

You are not, Sister.

They simply were not in the right frequency to hold your magnificence.

And the woman you are becoming — the one who is waiting to be seen and recognized, who holds her own ground with her head up, who looks at a crumb and turns away the offer — she doesn't fight for her self-respect.

She no longer negotiates it. 

She knows, she came here for Diamonds.

That is what I teach. That is what Awakened Queen activates.

If something in you just exhaled reading this —

that exhale is your answer. Get your 7-day activation

www.nikakeilani.com/awakenedqueen